Silent Night

It happened. The one nightmare all married couples who live with their in-laws have, finally happened.
During a heated moment of intimacy, the bedroom door burst open, and that's all I have to say about that.
After the door flew open, we instantly became the scene of a double homicide, both of us dropped as dead weight, like the characters of Toy Story when a human is present. Mike is gibbering and running at the side of the bed, he climbs and puts his index finger into my eye. I am awake, but have been in the dark long enough to act asleep with ease. We go into the kitchen and the bright lights cause me to squint, my hair is made up of a pony tail with fly aways dancing about, similar to a cat fight. Except in this fight, the pussy was defeated by a 2 year old.
My mother in law follows, "Milk, he need milk." She proclaims, and that was the reason for the abrupt invasion.
"He no sleep."
I look at Mike, he is spinning in the living room, running wildly in a crack head like fashion.
"We need to drive him, the only thing that will put him to sleep for sure is a ride, we will just drive until he passes out."
"No, that no good, he get used to it, then we always drive for nite nite."
We got into the car, she insisted she drive and we take her car.
She backed up, about an inch away from the hubby's car. I made the sign of the cross and looked forward. She topped speeds of 12 miles per hour, we passed a house with lights and she turned the corner. The woman parked in the front yard of a very nicely manicured house, across the street from the one with all the lights. She turned the radio on, she had a Yo Gabba Gabba CD. Mike clapped and sung along.
After the familiar "waaahhhs" and his delightful screams, she turned the ignition back on and moved forward, we were on top of a sewer and the car bounced and hit the concrete with each inch that we crawled forward.
And here I thought the worst that could happen was the cops come to knock on the window to site us for trespassing on pretty lawns and acting like mental patients, staring at lights and pointing at the sky.
I lowered my head and covered my eyes and forehead with my right hand, as if I were being watched. She continued to drive towards our house, and possibly head home. She pulled into the drive way. We circled the block one time, aside from going back to gawk at the gaudy light display, just one time, that isn't exaclty my plan.
She shut off the car and continued to play the CD, he sang and hummed and clapped.
Now the fun begins. She made me get down to see what he would do, "Try, try."
she wanted me to pretend to leave him, naturally he screamed. I walked over to get him out of the car, he didn't want to get down. She tried, nothing. We sat in the car listening to disco Lance Rock for another song, then she made me try again, this charade lasted till midnight, about 45 minutes. She shut off the radio and then the sirens really started to blare. We pulled the patient out of the car seat, he was convulsing and screaming, I waited to see if neighbors would come out. But since most of them have their hearing aides off at this time, it was just me and her outside. She placed him on the floor and he walked to her apt behind the house. "I take him, he go sleep."
I walked inside and finished what I started, 5 minutes later I walked to my mother in law's suite. He was jumping on the bed and I sat by him. In his hands he held a cassette tape player, the old ones, he pushed play and Korean instrumental music came on, she began to dance, kind of like the hippies around the trees, or the rain Indians asking the gods for rain. He followed, it was quite a sight.
I stood up to leave and he followed. I carried him into the house and he went straight to the TV, he turned it on, I turned it off, he did it manually, I held the remote. I finally dandled my keys and he went wild. He must think we are off to the mall or McDonalds. I took him into my car with no radio, just silence.
We drove in a large square around Tampa, each time we went around 5 minutes passed, after 4 tours of Tampa taking the same route and 20 minutes later, the prince sleeps.
I place him next to my husband, he looks almost angelic, but I know better. It was a quarter passed one when I went to sleep and he woke up at 8:30 am with bells and whistles. Hope your night went better than mine.