How does your garden grow...

"I cleaned up the front yard." My husband spat, I could hear the sweat dripping from his

handsome face, taking in deep breaths as he waited for a response.(Reminding me of other chores, he has a long list of hard labor tasks that I demand of him from time to time)

I was speechless, and I was thrilled. Finally he worked on the outside of the house, we would no longer be walking into the shack in the woods. The grass was reaching mailbox heights, the weeds had begun weaving into each other, they were growing together forming almost a union, determined to grow into a big forest, soon the homeless would be knocking down the door thinking it was an outhouse, then Juno would have company and competition in the pissing wars.

"I'm thrilled, thank you. Do you feel like you may die, it's a hundred degrees outside." The heat makes him do silly things sometimes.

"No, I am fine, just picked up the kids, Mike fell asleep in the car, he weighs a ton. I am carrying him into the house now, and taking a nap, I did the yard work this morning."

Why the hell not, how he simply gets Mike D to fall sleep and is able to nap, is entirely beyond me. It's just not fair. Why doesn't that stuff happen to me. I want to nap, I want peace, why am I the only one that washes dishes, clothes, and pooped behinds. His chore was finished, that's it, he is done for the day, really?

Stuck at work on a Friday, I wished for a nap at that very moment. Instead I stayed late.

When I got home and pulled up to the front yard, I can only describe the sight as a naked mole rat. I don't even know what a naked mole rat is, but it was what came to my mind when my husband asked me what I thought of the yard.

At first, I said great, but since the response lacked enthusiasm, he prodded and poked and tried to get more details of my opinion of the yard. So I did.

"It was naked. That is what I thought of "naked", not just naked, but..." I had a hard time with words, so I tried one of my off the wall analogies.

"There is stuff still in the cracks, the cracks haven't been wiped down, look at all the crap sticking out. And the mailbox hedge, well that was forgotten. That stairway to heaven over there, that trail to hell hasn't seen clean water in ages. And ultimately I was set up." My eyebrows did that thing. "You are asking and really you sound like I was supposed to walk into the Playboy Mansion with all those perfect naked bodies and women who keep themselves trimmed and nicely manicured. Instead I walked into the assisted living facilities for Playboy retirees. The bushes have been let go, yes the body may be naked, but really there are things just unkempt. Do you understand?" I scratched my head. It must have escaped his attention, just like my analogy, he didn't follow me at all, so I tried again.

"Are naked amazon women attractive, without clothes you may have gotten what you wanted, but really all that shrubbery and the hairy armpits, do you really want to say "beautiful", NO, that word has been chased away to the back of your mind along with your libido at that point."

I am not sure that I made much sense to him, but I made perfect sense in my head, and I am sure that he will never ask my opinion, or next time he will hold back. Please see my mailbox below, tell me was I that far off, doesn't that just remind you of a bush woman hoohah?