Playing in the tub (WARNING-not for the queasy)

I often wonder what it's like
To feel hopeless, at the end
Is it the feeling that I have right now?
Like my chest is caving in
I can't control my breathing
I feel dizzy, my head spins
The swelling keeps occurring
The disorientation it begins
The medication's wearing off
I take another dose
The clock tells me I'm late again
I take the pills and my eyes close
I think about the morning
Forgetting moments of the day
My body's getting tired
And it's time to sleep they say
Am I really crazy?
Am I really that insane?
As I deepen the small scratches
The ones I open to feel pain
Relive the way I made them
Slowly glide the razor through
Watch it as it bleeds some more
Watch it drip with thoughts of you
I'm forgetting why I live this way
Why I long to watch the blood
Why I don't think that it matters
Why this makes me feel so good
I can say that I am happy
To be a functional suicide
Everyday I find a way to die
Fills the emptiness inside
It may not take me anywhere
As my plan never manifests
But I smile as I live this out
I always fail at my private test
I float inside the bathtub
As I let the blood flood out
The water hits my chin
I sense drops of blood seep out
My hair is almost angel-like
As it floats around in space
I lift my arm up slowly
And let the drops drip on my face