Lunch Special

There is a new bus that serves Spanish food next to my job. A week ago, we called to order and the call went to voicemail. Desperate for food, we are food connoisseurs like that, we googled and found the owner's cell phone. We called her as she was waking and placed the order. She called back, the calls were going to voicemail due to a faulty fryer.

We had pizza.

Today was Haydee's last day, our spunky little firecracker at work. Very easy to set off, and I do not light that fire, well I try not to. Being her last day we ordered from the bus, she introduced us to it and she bragged about it's cellulite inducing nutrients. Yes, we are buying lunch prepared in a bus the size of a bathroom, with three people who prep it all, and they look like my mornings in the bathroom fighting my way to brush my teeth. We called with 3 days notice, we also called the day before and this morning before picking up the meal, I would say we picked it up, but I picked up the meal by myself, no one came with me, just me and my audio book. Peace at last, peace at last.


I was glad to get out, the retiree (really she got another job, but I had to give her shit about it) was like a social butterfly, this lunch was a surprise and each second we tried to plan or coordinate this fiasco luncheon (usually when I am involved it is nothing less of a fiasco) would pop up. Doesn't she have work to finish, emails to send, good-byes to finish? No. Like an arranyita pellua (hairy spider) she showed up and walked by, making it almost impossible to surprise her. Like a peo atravesado (I don't know how I should translate, but she was like a fart in the middle of everything) stinking up the party preparations with her surprise pop ups. She knew.


History: The office has been cold lately, I guess they are trying to fight the germs of the office cold, or they are driving the infected to get bedridden. As I sit at my cubicle the person next to me and in front of me cough, sometimes in unison, sometimes it's orchestrated and resembles Beethoven's Fifth. So I wore my black sweater with my jeans with black heels, so cute.


I raced to the bus at 11:30 am, we have lunch from noon to 1 pm, I wasn't on the phones so I was the designated driver. I got there at noon, mucho late. Walked around the bus and it was closed, the yellow mobile kitchen was shut down. I knocked and told the lady I was there to pick up the order. She said it would be a minute, I called the office to tell them I arrived but the food wasn't ready. I sat and smoked and watched as they opened up fifteen minutes later. I stood to check the order, and she said almost. I called work, almost ready. The team sat and waited and probably exchanged stories, sitting and staring at each other in moments of uncomfortable silence. I sat in the sun and smoked some more, I felt the sweat drip from my armpits, remember my brainiac self thought of that einsteinish idea. Surely I would roast completely to tender before the pork I was waiting for.


Finally at 12:30 the order was ready, well minus the appetizers, I lugged the two bags to the car and returned for the last bag, I was given an additional empanada as a consolation gift. Gee thanks. An ice cold soda would have been more appropriate but whatever. I got the last bag and ran (in heels) for the car. The five lunch containers were on the floor, the bag of sandwiches on the seat, the sweat had now accumulated in a pool on my belly button, I am sure that also had it's own seasoning flavors by now.


I pulled out and made a U-turn, and the top container with the most food (for the honoree of course) flip flopped on the floor like a burrito at Taco Bell that those McDonald's rejects don't close correctly. I put the emergency blinker lights on and prayed no one hit me. I salvaged what I could and completely ruined my RWA bag. Like this.

Her order was called the tierra y mar, which is land and sea, but tierra also means dirt or sand, so the shrimp on my car floor was a rather appropriate place for them. I gave the dish a new meaning. I wanted to put the shrimp back into the container but after picking one up and studying it like a chemistry vial, I found a hair and opted to leave them on the floor.

I was border-line hysterical, the order was supposed to be ready at noon, and at 12:37 pm I was in the car driving like a nascar competitor. I was a block away and called Myrna (the planner), telling her I would be in the front, I always park out back, but the front was closer. I pulled to the entrance and regained my composure as I piled the lunches on the side of the car. After a couple minutes I called Myrna again, because she was in the back waiting for me. Her roots must be blond because she went to the back, because I park there, but I told her the front, she doesn't listen.

She took in the food, I met the entire team in the conference room and they applauded, I couldn't send them to the depths of hell because my supervisor was in the front of the peanut gallery and I needed my job, I smiled, took my seat and denied myself the meal, I left hunger and patience at the bus.

We also had breakfast, and a gift card for a much needed mani-pedi and a gift, and an ice cream cake that was cause for breaking my diet. I diet on Mondays, and actually lasted this week until the cake came out.

Haydee you don't read my blog, but I showed you how much I love and appreciate you by not stuffing the hairy shrimp in your lunch box. That says alot. On another note, I ate half of Sonia's sandwich, actually half of a half, because it had a hair in it, karma is a bitch.

Haydee darling, as you can see, even the bread was sad that you left. How was I the only person to spot this?