There are certain things that you can't do for certain reasons (kids) and the time comes when you think "Eh, he's old enough now, sure I can do it." Then you are proven wrong within the first five minutes of your attempt.
Shaving should be something I do every morning in the shower, like my mother tells me to. Except when I shave standing up I end up spotting pants because I nick every square inch of my legs from ankle to thigh. And if it's too cold or too hot then I get razor burn, I came to the conclusion I need to have luke warm water, the water must be running and the legs up in the air resting on the soap holder. This sounds odd, but it's the only way that this works for me.
Today I got a mosquito bite and showed it off at work, not caring that it had been 3 weeks since I shaved, I lifted up my pant leg and shocked the gals at the office. Rosa was astonished and decided to give me a lecture on hair etiquette. TMI all the way. We discussed trimming and shaving techniques.
She made me promise to go home and shave and she would check on me tomorrow, I had no choice. I thought that Mike D would be more civil in his ways. Walking through the door I had little time to ask my mother in law to watch him for me to shave. She was out the door, leaving a trail of dust in her departure. I was on my own.
I prepped a bottle and placed the child on the sofa. Jumped in the tub, water running.
I had one leg up and half done, when in comes a child bearing gifts. For the past week Mike D has taken control of the laundry basket and pulls it around like a wagon filled with all of his toys, he can't possibly carry everything, it's actually ingenious and rather greedy.
He tossed the balls, all four of them into the bathtub, I threw them back out with my free hand, he came back with Legos, tossed the balls back into the tub, next the Legos. I finished shaving one leg and screamed at him, tossing back the toys out of the tub into the laundry basket, he disappeared. I lathered up the second leg and went a little higher and lathered up the cobwebs.
Mike D came back in with the Star Wars stick swords, tossed them into the tub and disappeared again, I gave up my quest for smooth legs. Stood up and in walks Mike D with nothing but a golf club, I didn't even know we owned a golf club, no one plays golf. And where was his diaper?
He climbed into the tub with a golf club to help javelin in. I fought with the closet sized bathroom and all of the items dragged into it. I still had soapy suds in crevices that only should hold soap for so long. I dripped to the bed room with all of the toys and the basket, came into the tub and Mike D was standing on the outer wall, he slipped and fell causing a grand splash that surprised him. This began an Olympic diving practice drill for the same grand splash, the child was chasing the dragon. I grabbed half a dozen towels and made a trail to the bedroom, the wood floors are already destroyed but why wet them and further make it lift. I pulled the child out and diapered and clothed him, I wore nothing and now I had goosebumps, my shaving chances were gone.
One leg shaved, one leg not, a burning tata and a drenched bathroom, my entire evening was spent picking up this mess, I just added some pinesol and skated around with the towels to mop and glow the floor. Mike D would come in from time to time, I turned him around and walked him to his room, he has a knack for finding trouble.
I ended up finishing the shaving job at 11 pm and found out the golf club was my mother in law's security guard, like a baseball bat, but she has an old rusty golf club, we don't want to just bust up intruders, we also want to give them gangrene. It makes sense. Note to self: Do not shave when caring for Michael.
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