Falling Down

I can't really say downward spiral, but I feel like it. I look to my cell phone, I have made more calls than I have received, and have listened to more voicemails than I care to mention. I go to bed tired and wake up tired. Don't like it very much, but it is what it is. I am probably not a person you would like to be around right now, grouchy, annoyed and bitter, but who isn't.
My butt itches from the ant bites, and my right foot is sore.
It's Sunday again, yay fucking Sunday, god I hate you. I woke up to mike d pulling at my eyelids, ready to rule the living room. Made him milk, made myself coffee and read the paper, tons of Target salesfor school supplies. The boys wake up and I cook some bacon and eggs, with buttered Cuban toast. Then my hubby jumps in the shower, we chat and he gets ready to leave. Before leaving he goes outside with a wrench and 5 minutes later the car stops making the noise, I hope that it doesn't stall on him on the way to work. I kiss him goodbye and he is gone till 11pm.
Tito offers to take me to do groceries and shopping. First stop Target, we get the speakers out of his truck and put the car seat in. As I grab Mike d and my purse, I step on a cell phone cord facing up, the pain shoots through me and I fall on the floor, Mike d in one arm and my purse in the other, the sole of my foot has a small purple indent, the pain felt as though the prongs went right through the skin. I rub it and take the baby to the truck. Mike d is astonished at the way he can see everything from the back seat. He bounces with the bumps and gibbers to me about the sights, I fall in love with my little man, the three of them with me in the car makes it all better.
We put mike d in the cart and start towards the school supplies, there are items for a quarter, everything that costs a quarter I double up on and throw in the cart. Me and mike d fill the cart and suddenly Diego and Tito are missing, I walk to the edge and see them in the electronic area with nerf swords, sparring away at each other, then I shout their names and Diego turns, knocking down a display on the edge of the aisle, lunchboxes are spilled on the floor, I pretend not to know them and walk away. They catch up and Tito wants to buy a new game that is very similar to beer pong, I say no about twelve times and then we go to cups, "Look we can play beer pong with these red plastic cups and ping pong balls." from the lips of my little Diego, Tito runs at the comment, laughing to himself out loud on the other side of the aisle.
We finish and head out to the register. The young girl looks at me, "I know you, you go to Krispy Kreme, I work there too." we chat for a bit and the total comes up, $91.82, I pull out my Target card and swipe it, declined. I put $20 cash towards the purchase and swipe the rest, declined, we do this one more time, and finally I pull out the cash for groceries and pay. Oh Sunday, why do you hate me so.
Tito is slightly embarrassed but used to this, we are not surprised, the money has been more than stretched recently, these little bumps aren't expected but aren't surprising. I load up the truck with the Target bags and the kids and little mike d. Half way home, Nina calls to see if we went grocery shopping she offers to go with us and we meet at my moms. Down the street I watch mike d and his head bobbing about, he drools and then his head just dangles, I hold it up. He is asleep and the angle at which we set up the car seat has him hanging there forward, we pull up and tell Nina that we must make a delayed break, the baby is asleep and my hand is holding the poor thing up, my hand and arm growing tired by the second.
We head home and Tito takes mike d to bed, I make a bee line to the bathroom, grabbing the laptop on the way, I place the laptop on the edge of the bathtub and pull down my pants, as I sit on the toilet to empty my bladder the laptop falls on my toe, immediately blood spills from my toe, the laptop's corner hits me just right, I howl in more pain. Curse the laptop, curse the bathtub, curse the entire Target chain, and curse the financial crisis that we are all facing.
I lay in bed with mike d, shut the door and blog away, dried up tears at pain and frustration accompany me, when all is over, it's just money, but it still hurts. There is not more I can do, I can't get another job, I can't go to school, I struggle to make sure that Tito goes to school and for now that is my goal, I vow to make sure my children will never have to endure what I go through, if I could snip the penises to prolong parenthood till they are 45 and graduated I would.
But instead I just put the fear of god in them and make sure they have clean underwear, it's what I can do for now.