Another day

Bedroom done, hey one room down!
As soon as I was finished making the bed all pretty, I watched Mike D crawl under the just-done bed. that would be the ending to the clean room. I am just sitting to write this and my mother in law walks through the door. (Here we go) She sits with me and my invisble laptop (this also happens when I talk on the phone, like they are not fucking there, do you not see the phone in my hand, do you not see me typing into a maniac text-rage) I continue to wonder what to blog about and have to stop, I put the laptop down and go to the boys room, to pick up the legos, hot wheels, and numerous other items that are a hazard to my feet. She puts on Korean channels, no worries I never knew what was happening on the tv show anyways, that is why God created TIVO, or Fios invented it, whoever. Mike and Diego help me pick up, I slowly back away hoping not to create a disturbance and have them stop what they are doing to follow me, and I move to the kitchen. I decided to make yellow rice and chicken, I am in no way a chef. Just one packet of Vigo yellow rice, one can of chicken (looks like tuna on steroids, but it's really chicken) and one can of whole kernal corn, and throw it all together in a pot, let it boil and simmer 20 minutes, ther's the recipe. She looks at my prison food and decides the boys would prefer hot dogs. So we boil 4 hot dogs and she sits and waits. Oh joy, I now have company. They boys picked up all their toys, I can hear the angels playing harps in the background. Mike D runs by and goes back under the covers, she ooh and aahs waiting and preparing me for a visit to the hospital, as she always waits for him to fall and draw blood, I lean over and watch the bed give birth to my two year old, I did that 3 times, not impressed. She serves the hot dogs and she calls out Diego to come eat, we now must wash the hot dog as he refuses to eat ketchup and she insisted, its too spicy he calls out to us, I knew better but am all about trying new things. (anything outside his rice and water, rice and butter, rice and tofu, and Cocoa Puffs fetish) My mother in law sits and is trying to get Mike D to try a hot dog, she is seducing the processed slab of meat, gliding it in her mouth and taking it out when he looks away, the entire act is obscene and once again diminishes my appetite. Really I should be lots skinnier. Mike D then takes one teeny bite and spits it out even faster, DENIED. We pick up the mess on the floor, and notice Juno has already taken car of that. He actually took care of all the hot dogs that were on the yellow ikea kid's bowl. With that she goes to the boys room, and I hear a loud " My Gauuud" Mike D has just flipped the plastic orange basket ball with all the just-picked-up toys, all of the toys are back on the floor. Mike D screams around in circles and hands me the remote control, bored with Blue's Clues. I look up from the laptop and my dear amazing-me-everyday mother in law has a handful of my rice and chicken in her hands, she scooped it right out of the pot. No shit, no bowl, no silverware. And I will keep that to myself so that my overgrown child and husband who get home at eleven will eat, no use in all of us starving.