I want my sexy back

Sorry for the hiatus, I have had a fun filled weekend with the kiddies and a kiddie pool. I love the beach, from the balcony, I hate the sand and sticky feeling after you emerge from the ocean and stick to the car seat, the uncomfortable feeling on the way home, and lets not forget the sunburn on the fair skin that I wear, it isnt a wonderful feeling. But the view from a ten story condo is magnificent. The only good thing about it, is that I actually feel like I look better with some color, but no, I didnt go to the beach. Instead we went to Target and picked up a pool for thirty bucks, and ended up getting burned anyways (see sun poison rash), the kids are also sick, and miguel. While we were cleaning up for the pool I came across an interesting artifact, a old and dried up laced g string. I am sure it was once bright and sexy, but it now looked like part of a cemetary decoration, gray, drabby and made up of dirt, strung together by nothing more that the remainder of dog poo. This is why I can no longer wear my beloved sexy undies, because the mongrel of a dog that we adopted, Juno, has decided that they taste great. They dissappear (not only from where I cant find them, but even when I wear them, it's like voila, they're gone, imagine Cris Angel in my pants, now there is a dirty thought!!!!) and I had to go out and buy more, always wondering if they got sucked into the same portal as socks. I cant figure out where those end up. Sure he also eats legos, socks, and shoes, but what pains me the most is my underwear, he has a particular liking to my them. I have since began wearing them with more cloth and coverage, knowing that this will not be something he can ingest. So now I vow to never buy teeny tiny undies because if one of my polka dot under things ends up getting stuck in his stomach and I have to go to a doggie hospital, I would never be able to face the kids with the awful truth, the dog chocked on my panties. What kind of mother would have their kids go through that, not me. And the damn dog better not try to eat my granny panties, because god knows those wont go past his larynx (I dont even know where that is) but for the sake of the dog, I must either go big or go nude. Dont try to find out which, you may not want to know, especially if I am wearing borrowed jeans or something, sorry.