Because of the weather today, my mother in law has decided to hibernate here in my living room, just until the rain lets up. There is spicy Korean ramen noodle soup on the stove, the world poker tournament on television and the tales of all that mike d has done repeated to me over and over again. As I blog, and don't listen, she nudges my knee to get my attention. I CAN HEAR HER JUST FINE.
The below image is of her hand after budging and pushing my knee, getting my complete attention. I tried to snap it as quick as a could.
Why is it that cell phones and laptops are just fashion accessories to her. To most of my elderly family, the antiques that walk and converse with me see these technological devices as if they were just earrings or a book (but one you are holding, not reading) I don't know if I am making myself clear and try to indulge myself into the laptop. I type some more, she speaks louder, I glance and gaze intently into the screen, she pushes the screen down so I can see her. I wish it wasn't raining now. Do you see how close she is??? Yes Yo Gabba Gabba is on the TV, but when he leaves she goes back to poker, it's exhausting, they actually fight over what to watch and wag the control at each other, both dialects foreign to me.
When she finally gets the hint and quiets down, I let out a sigh of relief, in complete error. Now she is arguing with the poker players, giving orders like General Tao, and I now remember what my husband tells me. When she is seeing the hands, she knows what the best bet is, and what they should do with the cards. I am not a poker player at all, the extent of my card expertise would be playing TUNK with my cousins, oh and that stupid never ending war game. I do not like to play that in this house, there is nothing but cheats and liars when it comes to card games and board games, and sore losers to put american idol rejects to shame.
This is why she is the one sole little woman at the hard rock on the weekends surrounded by big men in cowboy hats and dark shades (personally I think she may intimidate them, little do they know), they sit stone cold and have the poker face and use it well, she has her ego inflated with this stupid show and once she sits down, there is no screen to give away the other players' hands. She sits with her cigarettes, smoking away her time and her social security. Probably cursing at them leaving them to understand only the word "estupid", she uses that alot. Pity for her.
I take note that she is not budging and is quite comfortable, and I decide to go to my parents house. My sister is about to go to the gym, and a light bulb (usually blinking because it's about to short) goes off and she brilliantly asks me to walk around the block. I am trying to get away from crazy, and she wants to go walking in a monsoon. I decline the offer, and wonder if she's been outside.
She goes off and I stay with my parents, my mother points to to 2 packs of m&m's, "Take those to Diego, they are from Mikey!"
"Mike got him m&ms? How did he manage that mom?" (I knew exactly where this was leading, but had to ask, because I had to know how she did it this time)
"We were at the pharmacy and he grabbed them while I paid. He was sitting in the cart and I just walked out." This in the most nonchalant tone ever spoken. We have been through this, obviously not getting through to her. We have an assortment of toys and candy that over the years, the boys play with and grab at the counter and she pushes the cart forward and walks out. She always says she never noticed until they got home, but I can almost see her handing out the goods and making a quick getaway after grabbing the receipt.
I scratch my head and put the candy in my purse. My mother has bathed Mike D and dressed him fittingly with the t-shirt Mara gave diego many moons ago.
An hour later, I am back home with the poker queen and she is now watching her korean soaps. None of this we understand, the colors are pretty and the music usually 80's or techno, I manage to let it go. I don't have the heart to ask her to leave. She made ramen with spinach leaves for Mike D and I try to feed him, she shakes her head and tells me "That's not how he eats it. I will hold the plate and he will think it's mine, then he will eat it." The child is a mooch, she is once again correct in her assumption. She pretends to eat it and he doesn't leave a drop, or noodle.
I hear her mouth out the words, "New Yooo Estay" she says something I don't understand and tells me she doesn't like the t-shirt. It's a t-shirt, she holds it close, as if the words will change and shakes her head. I explain it was once Diego's and one of my favorite, besides it suits monkey boy. She pursed her lips and says nothing. The shirt stays on.
Diego takes a bath and eats a hot dog, he has one on a bun, one without, he must be feeling daring today. (God please tell me what the name is of my TV show is, and what are the ratings? Somebody up there must be rolling on the floor.) Mike D refuses to eat hot dogs, but eats hot dog buns, biting holes into the sides and preferring that I feed it from above him like an open mouthed bass, he also hides them in the drawers, the kitchen pantry and once in the toilet. Diego eats hot dogs, no ketchup, no bread, so for today, the request is rare. I run in a fury to hand over anything edible out of the ordinary, this is an adventure for him. I forgot to warm the bread. "Bread's cold." He declares. "You forgot." He added, 5 seconds in the microwave clears up that trivial nonsense.
I jump on the laptop and notice a chat, open it up and my sister Mara types "Oochie Coochie" Now why would she send this, has she forgotten who is on the receiving end. I type back to her as normal as hello, "I see you are smelling your coo, or tickling it." LOL galore, "Blue Lagoon" Well that clears up a nasty thought, I respond, "Good, glad you cleaned up that phrase for me."
I don't ever hold back on chatting, so just take me with a grain of salt. My conversations have been compared to the yellow submarine, trippy. And no one really knows what I am talking about, like I am in my own little world, but everyone welcomes me here, so it's all good. It's weird though when I follow myself and everyone else gets lost. I am almost like a braille map, only few knowing the true meaning.
Back to reality, my mother in law, argues for minutes with mike d, I insist he stays, she insists he leaves. I am walking around the house like a crippled person with a two year old standing on my foot, holding on desperately to my knee. She offers him keys, legos, and food. He gives up after choosing the keys.
lol
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